Weekly Commentary: What Could Go Wrong? CIA to Arm and Train 70,000
Palestinian Peacekeepers (A Cynical Parody)
Dr. Aaron Lerner 17 January 2024
Dear reader: the following is a cynical parody. Unfortunately, it is
anchored in the history of the parody we have been experiencing ever since
Yitzhak Rabin opted not to rein in Yossi Beilin.
Already on the morning of October 8th, a former head of one of Israel's
intelligence groups could not hold back his smile as he shared his wisdom in
one of the TV panels providing 24-hour coverage of the war: "Our challenges
are so great that our reliance now on America is so profound that we have no
choice: FINALLY, WE WILL AGREE TO A PALESTINIAN STATE."
He wasn't alone.
Months passed, and ultimately the question wasn't if Israel would surrender
its future to the "two-state solution" but rather how to present this
development in a way that would be palatable to the Israeli public.
So here it is:
The CIA arms and trains 70,000 Palestinians who are required to sign a
declaration "I will not engage in terror."
All weapons supplied by the United States to the New Palestinian Authority
must not impair the security of Israel. This will be guaranteed by requiring
that a notice is published before each shipment proclaiming that "this
shipment will not impair the security of Israel."
A condition for holding a position in the "New Palestinian Authority" is
signing a declaration "I will neither support nor engage in terror."
All school teachers in Palestinian schools, as well as everyone employed in
any position in Palestinian media, sign a declaration "I will not engage in
The New Palestinian Authority formally drops all financial support for
Palestinians incarcerated by the Israeli authorities and their families.
Instead, money typically earmarked in the Palestinian Authority budget for
"pay to slay" is transferred to a new Palestinian social welfare NGO. The
CIA will have exclusive oversight authority over the NGO.
And of course, the icing on the cake.
To ensure strict compliance by the New Palestinian Authority, not one penny
of U.S. funding can be provided to the New Palestinian Authority if the
State Department's semi-annual compliance review fails to conclude that the
New Palestinian Authority is in compliance.
Shortly after the implementation of the "New Palestinian Authority Program,"
a document drafted by the State Department will be presented to the New
Palestinian Authority and Israel for signing at a ceremony on the White
House Lawn establishing a sovereign Palestinian state.
Peace in our time!
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